anthony_xxx

Fri, 18 Dec 2009 23:52:20 GMT

its weird. im sick of being a virgin. really sick of it.

Tue, 08 Dec 2009 02:40:32 GMT

i hate the internet. i cant live with it, and i cant live without it. either way i get nothing out of it

Wed, 02 Dec 2009 04:31:19 GMT

I have every right to defend myself in anything that is said to me. and I'm going to execute that right whenever I get the chance

Mon, 26 Oct 2009 04:44:51 GMT

i have 0 friends, and its my decision to live the rest of my life this way. i hate humanity and all of its plagues. life's not fair, but i'm not going to complain anymore, i cant win and they constantly do, even if they complain about it. i just want a shitty job, and a shitty house in a shitty neighborhood, with a good dog. thats not much to ask

Wed, 21 Oct 2009 01:26:09 GMT

i will never have who i want in life, i will never have what i want in life, i will never be what i want to be in life. all i do is find more reasons to just leave and never come back to any of this shit. stuck down in a shitty fucking place with nothing to hold onto. no one really fucking cares about me when it comes down to it. im not good enough for my parents, and my friends, or at least some of them, pass me over for no reason and think their better than i am, and the ones that don't, i do think they're better than me. im being held down by so many things, and im sick of it, and want to just cut those ties loose. i really just want to live out of my car and be 100% on my own

Wed, 14 Oct 2009 01:24:29 GMT

so lately, the past 2 or so days, i've been really pissed off. and i don't know why. lately i've just wanted to say fuck it, and jump off a bridge or something. i keep feeling like i've failed myself, and everyone else, and i don't know why. school has been going OK for me, im in adult ed. though, so ehh its real easy. but the days are so boring, it'd be better if we got out at like 1 or something. every day is so meaningless, and more and more like the last day, a average day for me will be this; get woken up 20 minutes before i have to, get up, turn on the shower water, brush my teeth for a minute, argue with my sister because the water is on because 'im wasting it', wash my hair, get dressed, procrastinate for 5 minutes so i don't get to school early, walk in the school, stare at people while walking, go into the classroom, get called gay, then call whoever called me gay a fucking faggot, or homo, then possibly play some fooseball, win first game by about 3-4 points, but lose the next two horribly, then 4 hours pass, go to lunch, decide what i want, eat lunch in about 5 minutes, sit at table with people, but im still all alone for the next 25 minutes, go back to the class, go to gym, do horribly in whatever were playing, get into arguments and then get pissed off, come back to the class at 2:35, leave at 2:40. get home around 2:45. wait till 3, then watch seinfeld, then take a 4-5 hour nap. waking up around 7-8:30. then i eat, then im on the computer till 1-2, then watch tv till 2:30-3

Tue, 13 Oct 2009 23:24:13 GMT

lifes not bad if you can find something that makes you happy, but if/when you can't, life fucking blows

Tue, 13 Oct 2009 01:54:16 GMT

i don't think anyone knows how much hardcore really means to me, and it irritates me when they don't take it seriously

Tue, 06 Oct 2009 00:44:51 GMT

i failed myself
i ruined my life
i ruined other peoples lives with my presence
ihatemyself

Tue, 29 Sep 2009 03:06:51 GMT

the only bands i listen to are Weekend Nachos and The Mongoloids, and Champion now too even though i use to hate them, but i dont mind them now because of the t.g. factor. But its weird, whenever I'm with someone i don't want to listen to any of those bands except W.N., and I don't know why, well i guess i do, but i cant really say why in front of people, at least my friends anyways. Its because I relate to that music, a lot. and im not saying other people dont, im deffinitly not saying that, i just don't want to associate with other people who can relate to me, but yet those are the only people i would even consider giving my time of day to. I just don't like how people stray away from what they were. I was going to just type 'there is nothing wrong with change' but there is everything wrong with every tiny bit of change a person does. I know i change, but for about every 100 changes i incur, i dont like/last through 99 of them and go back a month later. I dont know, im sick of life

Mon, 28 Sep 2009 00:51:45 GMT

it's not my fucking fault that my trunk latch broke. what the fuck. why am i always the bad guy. they have more to lose than i do

Thu, 24 Sep 2009 01:14:59 GMT

so its been a while since i last updated. nothing really has changed that much, its only been like a week though... so today me and my friend brant went disc golfing at whitehall, looked for my disc, couldnt find it, i got pissed and then the rest of the day played like shit. it really makes me mad that i will never see that disc again after only having it a week and a half, 21 bucks down the drain. i got paid today, $220, but had to pay back my aunt the $40 i borrowed from her last weekend, and i put 15 in gas, and got about 6 dollars or so on food. i have around like $160 or something left, and i think im going to start on my leg's with tattoo's. going to get the cliche XXX on the front of my left shin, huge as shit though, and then im going to get 666 in a circle like on the back of one of my shins, which will take up the majority of the calf, then next month get another one or so. idk stupid post, there all stupid posts

Fri, 18 Sep 2009 01:41:34 GMT

i just gave ross's dog brain damage

seal dog

Mon, 07 Sep 2009 05:30:42 GMT

So today was technically my last day of 'summer vacation' where i could have done whatever I wanted, but of the ominous task of acquiring money came into play, so I couldn't do anything. I hung out with Brant and we walked 4 miles today on the bike trail because I don't have a bike, and the 20 that he has all have like flat tires. I start at a new school Tuesday, for my senior year. I'm not really nervous about it, but I sort of am. I am just not going to let it be like the past 13 years of school for me, I'm not going to get picked on, but with that in mind, I also have to be cautious if I were to hit someone seeings how I'm 18 now. Being 18 in my family, well for me at least, has no differences for me, besides the fact I can buy scratch off lotto tickets ahah. It seems like my sisters use to do so much more shit. I've spent the night at 2 peoples house in my entire life, and it was a total of 3 times. My sisters would spend the night somewhere every fucking weekend. I don't know I just want to be treated like a normal 18 year old, not a fucking 14 year old

Sun, 30 Aug 2009 05:18:01 GMT

So today was my birthday. and it was an utter disapointment, not going to lie. First off, my dad wakes me up at like 7 and goes "Your dogs loose go tie her up" ok so I go tie her back up, and shes jumping all over me and I'm really irritated by it. Then I go back to sleep, then at about 9 he comes in and says "Your dogs loose, I'll go tie it up" and so he does, but he needs help because my dog doesn't sit still, and so hes banging on my window yelling at me. Then I go back to bed, and at 11 he tells me hes going to his friends or something, and then he finally says happy birthday to me. Ross left before I got up, but then He came back over after like 2 hours. Then I called my mom and today she was going to take me to lunch and buy me some stuff for school, and then she cancels...on my 18th birthday I get ditched by my mom. Then I go visit my grandma, sit there for a while. Go to my moms and say hi to her and get the 20 dollar check from my other grandma. And then I come home and my dad leaves, and he fucking backs into my shitty car, which now looks shittier because part of the grill missing now, and I was pretty pissed, but I didnt care at the same time, so I combined a sigh and whatever at the same time, you know a pretty calm response for someone just damaging my car I drive and hes like "Don't yell at me goddamnit" So then I just sighed and walked in my room, fell asleep until 7, and then ross called me, and me and him and chelsey went to the Vous, where it was just basically a big awkward moment, and then I drove home. Some old people at the vous said "lifes short" where i replied " It isnt short enough"

fuck life

so its my birthday

Sat, 29 Aug 2009 06:20:22 GMT

and i feel totally indifferent, i mean well obviously its only a day, and technically im not 18 yet, not until like 5:43 p.m. or something. It really doesnt matter to me anymore, the past couple years have just been let down after let down. I'm listening to music i listened to one purevolume in 8th grade. I remember i use to think like TBS and Brand New and all those types of bands were emo, ahahah. then i posted a bulletin about something stupid and it used the word 'emo' and a girl with the initials B.D. (im not using the name because thatd be weird and even using that is weird seeings how i dont know her) told me what some emo bands really were, and i was blown away at how good they were back then. hahaha. im fucking creepy for saying that but whatever i dont give a fuck. Its also weird seeing people at shows that ive talked to before online but never really meeting them, even if it was like 3-5 years ago, it even blows my mind that i still remember stuff like that ehh idk horrible post

i have been watching way to much bleach

Thu, 13 Aug 2009 01:07:18 GMT

so, i mean, i've come to terms that im an unlikeable person, and expeccially when it comes to girls, they just cant like me, take an interest in me. theres three types of girls that i take in interest in. the primary girl that i would kill for, is paler, green eyes, moderate features ( either a nice ass, or a nice rack (shallow as fuck). ) and shorter than me, likes similar music, and is or isnt as awkward as me, either way dont really matter. or a taller girl, not as tall as me, in good shape and short for lack of a better term, 'crazy hair' and has both really nice features, the girl is also bigger, but like i said, in shape and has a nice stomach and is awkward. and the third would just be a good looking scene queen, ahahhahah. but whatever im going to deal with the cards that im dealt. lifes hard be harder

Mon, 03 Aug 2009 06:02:37 GMT

I keep looking at the time and its been 9:46, 10:23. 11:46 and now 1:46. weird. I don't know why i post in here, i really dont think anyone at all ever reads my posts, all i ever do on my computer now a days is watch English subbed bleach (im about 70 episodes farther than the american dubbed) lurk Myspace or LiveJournal, watch other tv shows, or watch porn ( don't care hahahahahahaha ), or i download albums that I'll never put on my zune. I have realized i have about 100 beatles songs on my computer/zune, and i dont really know why, i like 2 maybe 3 songs of theirs and even at that i never listen to them, so its sort of pointless to have them. I just wish time was like it was 5 years ago for me, in brants basement with ross and brant hearing ross put on black sabbath's paranoid which changed my life seeings how that was the only band i listened to from the ages 12-13.5, then i got into tbs and brand new. Today was an alright day, i traded a blood in blood out jersey for a wreckless shirt and a pulling teeth shirt, which is ok to me seeings how i wore that jersey maybe 4 times in the year i had it. I'm finding that band merch is getting more trivial for me every time i order it, i wish i would have gotten that mongoloids tank-tee in a shirt, i wish i would have gotten that banner crew neck in a hoodie, but whatever i guess. I couldnt really see myself wearing what other people would call 'nice clothes' i sweat far too much for polos in winter or in summer, but i dont mind western style shirts or button up shirts. I've decided that im going to retire the cammo shorts at the end of next summer, itll be 5-6 years of wearing them all day every day in summer, and ive just grown sort of tired of them. Its so weird to me that i can remember shows that happened 3-4 years ago better than what i did last christmas. i can remember wanting to go see black my heart in muskegon a few years back and then being out of my dads truck (i was 14) and then being too scared to go in and see the show, ahhaha, or when xlooking forwardx played with fight it out, cannonxball, refuse to lose and how my neck hurt for like 2 weeks since a kid who will remain nameless on here jumped off a table right onto my head ahhhhhah. this has seriously got to be the gayest post on my live journal. ever

Thu, 23 Jul 2009 03:37:56 GMT

Today was good, spent most of the day with Ross and Chelsey, we went discing, and I bought a new Star Wraith today at Dunhams sports for only 18 bucks, which is pretty good, because if i went anywhere else, a champion disc costs $21, and star is the best plastic that Innova makes I'm 99.9% positive. Then after that me and Ross went to the beach for like 20 minutes, and then Chelsey met us there again, and then we went to Grand Haven and walked around, and wasted 2.50 each on some not-so-great waffle things. Then we went to BK because of how dissatisfied we were with the over priced waffle things. Then we went back into downtown Grand Haven and went to the Imagination Station, and really didnt do anything. Then we sat on a park bench and talked for probably a half hour. and then ross and chelsey dropped me off to my car and I'm home. Tonight was a genuinly good night, would have been better if i would have had a girlfriend though.

Thu, 16 Jul 2009 05:39:36 GMT

A lot went on today, well, not really, but a little bit did. I started off the day knowing weight lifting up at the school was going to be bad because i didn't go Monday, and you all know how jocks are. So I go to weight lifting, and I get the typical responses, people saying "well look who decided to show up today" (which is the worst type of 'ironic' joke ever muttered) and then it just sort of got progressively worse as the minutes went by (it really only takes me about 35-40 minutes to do my workout) and at the worst part of it all someone asked if i wanted to go up there tomorrow and work on 'the sled' which is just a wooden sled that they push and strap on and run with it, which definitelyisn't what i like to do. So I say, "no I don't want to" you know, just a regular response, and then they start calling me a bitch, pussy, etc... and just not giving a fuck about them people I just ignore it, and then someone said something like "he'd rather be in those mosh pits and gay shit like that" or something like that, and that geninualy pissed me right the fuck off. So I quit football. I knew I wasnt going to go out this year, so I don't know why I waited a week or two before practice to say 'fuck it' but whatever I did. I'm going to live my life for me, no one else from now one.

On another note, my sisters cat is really sick and is going to be put down, which saddens me because I know that it doesnt deserve to be in that condition. Its not my sisters fault, its from my grandpa's farm, where he has I think my dad said 40 cats there. And about 10 of them are caged up in beetle infested cages, or their living with 5 other cats in a 5 by 5 cage that only gets cleaned out once a year. And about half of those cats have the same thing my sisters kitten have. And I took an actual look into the kittens eyes and it was in pain, that sort of sounds stupid, but whatever. My dads starting to clean out the cages though, and i thought he told me he was going to take a couple of them far away and release them in the woods somewhere, so thats good.

I rambled on and on

Thu, 09 Jul 2009 03:47:41 GMT

Since my last entry, I have just had an overwhelming feeling of worthlessness, and depression, In the past week I haven't been as angry, but I feel lost, I mean, I know whats right for me, straight edge and hardcore are right for me, I love them both more than anything, I would put both of them before my family, and as shitty as that sounds, I don't care. I do mostly for myself now, I pay for my gas, and I pay for probably half of my meals I pay for myself. I wish I could just move into Muskegon, or Grand Rapids, into a quaint little $30,000 house, or have a $400 month rent. I'm not so sure what kind of neighborhood that would be in Grand Rapids, but in Muskegon that'd be more than enough for me, the little parts that offer those prices. I wish I knew someone I could live with, and when I turn 18 (its about 4-5 days before school starts) I would just move out, quit highschool, get my G.E.D. and then get a job. The type of workforce I belong in I don't need much more than a G.E.D.

It really sucks being different. Expecially in my town, a town of 1,300 people isnt the type of place for an 'outsider' to live, with a school of only 320 kids, filled with either jocks, party faggots, or sluts, its not much fun being alive really. I know I'm not a very friendly person, and I judge people by what their into, and if its not the same as me, I could care less about them, but it really sucks when it happens to you. I try to be a semi-good person, I mean, where in life did I just become like I am now? I just wish when I finally find courage inside myself, and forget those who treated me differently and finally not allow what they say to get to me, that I do whats best for me.

In the past couple weeks my teeth have been hurting extremely bad, like all the time, there rotting, or rotted on the inside, I can tell. I can brush my teeth for 5 minutes straight, and get my tounge and all of my teeth, and 15 minutes later I have swamp breath again. And right below where my sternum sticks out on my chest (it bulges out because I have some sort of abnormality) it just really hurts, and the only way I can describe it, is if, say your heart stopped beating, is how it feels. My body is full of aches at 17, and I'm positive I have a broken toe, and it keeps re-breaking, and Ive rolled my ankle pretty bad twice in a months time, and that hurts like a son of a bitch. I'm not trying to complain but whatever I guess

Fri, 03 Jul 2009 02:46:56 GMT

dear life, you fucking suck
dear zune, you fucking suck
dear friends, most of you dont suck, but some of you fucking suck
dear family, you fucking suck, no question about it
dear 2003-04 dell, you fucking suck
dear firefox, you fucking suck
dear google chrome, you do not suck, but im not computer literate enough to know how to work half the things that you offer
dear michigan, you fucking suck
dear missing courage to off myself, you fucking suck
dear missing courage to stand up for myself, you fucking suck
dear anyone whose fucked me over in life, you fucking suck
dear myspace, you started to suck in late 06
dear christians, you fucking suck
dear all religions, you fucking suck (I do not consider atheism a religion, rather i consider it fact)
dear satellite, you fucking suck for having mexican channels, and pointless channels that are intolerable to watch
dear 2007, 2008, 2009 you fucking suck, give me back 2004 through 2006
dear ravenna, you suck and i want you to burn
dear ravennians, you fucking suck and i want you all to burn
dear monte carlo, your a piece of shit, and youve been a piece of shit to me since day 1
dear football, team sports are for faggots
dear jocks, your all fucking faggots, and the fact you would want to label yourself a jock is beyond mind blowing to me
dear people who say "labels are stupid", its because no one wants your sorry ass and you look like a faggot, and your probably 14 and 'emo' and live in the suburbs and parents drive a nice mini-van
dear happy people, you make me fucking sick
dear sweet ass fucking kids from my town, your a faggot, you live in ravenna, theres nothing hard, or street about you, you look like a fucking idiot

Mon, 22 Jun 2009 06:38:05 GMT

No more fucking around, fuck everyone who isnt for me, fuck faggots who are against me.

and

From now on, hardline, no caffeine, no tylenol, no anything, going to run twice a day, and going to eat better, and work out harder, and work out on my own (sit-ups, running, pushups) fuck looking like im out of shape

Sun, 21 Jun 2009 00:53:43 GMT

i wish i were dead

Thu, 18 Jun 2009 03:16:28 GMT

So, as of lately I've been a lot less depressed, but I've been a lot more angrier, cynical, furious whatever you want to call it. My typing has been lacking lately also, but that's for another time and place. I'm almost 18, and I couldn't be happier, I know I won't be able to do anything that I want to do, but really my life will expand a lot more. It sucks that I will be unable to attain a job though, because of lousy ass football, but eh I make $500+ off of it, so whatever, I wish I had enough courage to stand up to my dad on that subject, but I really don't feel like being treated like I'm 5 in my house, so I guess whatever, I have to endure 1 more year of stupid bullshit, but I'm also not going to be anyone's stepping stone seeings how I couldn't give a fuck less about any of those kids because that's how little I already 'care' about them. I don't have any friends, or any people that I would risk anything at all for on that team, so why should I even care, fuckkk. I don't know what to do, I know I've already disappointed my dad beyond repair really, unless I become 'normal', but at the same time I don't want to let him down? But I really don't give a shit, its the whole he owns my car, and I live in his house thing. I should just stick up for myself on this one, I told him though if anyone starts shit with me I'm done with everything and that I don't give a fuck, because I don't give a fuck, but still. I don't know, I was repetitive in this entry I think, don't feel like reading it over